Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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