why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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