White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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