but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
