Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
