i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
