There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
