I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
