I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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