i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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