Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
