I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
