If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
