haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
