The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
