I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
