everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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