god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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