K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
