Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
