So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you inspire me to be a worse person
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
