I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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