i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
