You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
