i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
