he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
