I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
