Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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