I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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