Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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