So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
