it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
