If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
