So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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