you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
