I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
