Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
