He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
