I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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