if you like me you must not know who I am
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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