I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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