I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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