I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
last night I used snow as a chaser
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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