Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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