erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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