My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
