no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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