If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
