I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
