Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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