ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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