one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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